The Monk and the Beautiful Woman:
A monk was walking through the forest when he came across a beautiful woman bathing in the river. Upon seeing him, she cried out:
“Monk, help me! My clothes have been stolen; I can’t get out of the water.”
The monk, nervous, takes off his robe and gives it to her.
The woman approaches him, looks at him seductively, and says:
“I’ve been alone in this forest for days… and I have certain needs…”
The monk blushes and replies:
“I’m sorry, but I am a man of faith.”
The woman leans closer and whispers in his ear:
“But… heaven gave us these bodies to enjoy.”
The monk, with a doubtful expression, looks up to heaven and says:
“Lord, forgive me, but… I’m going to have to excommunicate her all!”
The Wife’s Confession:
A worried woman comes home and tells her husband:
— Honey, I went to the doctor, and he told me I have the breasts of a 20-year-old.
The husband smiles and replies:
— Of course! At 45, you still have them well preserved.
The flirtatious woman asks:
— And what do you think the doctor said about my butt?
The husband becomes thoughtful and says:
— Hmm… well, I don’t know… Didn’t he mention anything to you about your husband? Because your butt and I have been together for over 20 years.
The Old Man and the Blue Pill:
An 80-year-old grandfather goes to the doctor and asks for a prescription for the famous blue pill.
The doctor says:
“Grandpa, at your age, do you really need this?”
The old man smiles and replies:
“Look, doctor, it’s not what you think. I just want to stop peeing on my shoes.”
The doctor, confused, asks:
“How is that possible?”
And the old man replies:
“It’s because with the pill, the thing lifts up and I can aim clearly.”
The Nun and the Taxi Driver:
A nun takes a taxi late at night. As they drive, the taxi driver glances at her several times.
The nun notices and asks:
“Son, is something wrong?”
The taxi driver, somewhat embarrassed, replies:
“Sister, I don’t mean any disrespect, but I’ve always fantasized about kissing a nun.”
The nun thinks about it and says:
“Well, I can grant that wish, but only if you’re single and Catholic.”
The taxi driver, moved, replies:
“Yes, of course, I am!”
The nun gives him a passionate kiss and then sits quietly in her seat.
The taxi driver begins to cry and says:
“Sister, I’m sorry, I lied to you… I’m married and I’m an atheist.”
The nun smiles and says:
“Don’t worry, son… my name is Juan, and I’m on my way to a costume party.”