The Millionaire and the Will:
A millionaire was about to die and called his wife, his doctor, and his lawyer to give them instructions about his will.
“When I die, I want all my money put in my coffin. It took me a lifetime to earn it, and I want to take it with me.”
His wife, the doctor, and the lawyer looked at him with a look of “This guy is crazy,” but since it was his last wish, they didn’t argue.
When the millionaire died at the funeral, the lawyer put a box inside the coffin before closing it.
His wife, surprised, asked him:
“Did you really fulfill his last wish? Did you put ALL his money in there?”
The lawyer replied with a smile:
“Yeah, right… I wrote him a check.”
The Farmer and the Talking Donkey:
A city man is passing by a farm and sees a farmer sitting on the porch with his dog and donkey.
The man approaches and, to his surprise, the donkey says:
“Good morning!”
The man, shocked, asks the farmer:
“Sir! Does your donkey talk?”
The farmer calmly replies:
“Of course he does. In fact, he’s worked very hard all his life. He plowed the fields, carried heavy loads, and has always been faithful.”
The donkey nods and says:
“That’s right! But he never thanks me or gives me an extra carrot.”
The man, astonished, looks at the dog and asks:
“And your dog talks too?”
The dog wags his tail and says:
“Yes! And besides, that donkey is a liar. He’s never worked a day in his life!”
The Man and the Rude Parrot:
A man walks into a pet store and sees a beautiful parrot, but with a sign that says, “For Sale Cheap.”
Intrigued, he asks the owner:
“Why is this parrot so cheap?”
The owner sighs and says:
“Look, sir… this parrot lived in a bar for many years, so it says a lot of bad words.”
The man doesn’t care and buys it anyway.
When he gets home, the parrot begins:
“Hey, you idiot! Where did you bring me? This house is a dump!”
The man, annoyed, says:
“If you keep talking like that, I’ll lock you in the refrigerator!”
The parrot laughs and continues insulting him.
The man, fed up, puts the parrot in the refrigerator for a few minutes. From inside, you can hear:
“Hey! It’s cold! Get me out of here, please!”
After a while, the man takes it out. The parrot, trembling, says:
“Sir, I want to apologize for my behavior. I promise to behave and stop using rude behavior.”
The man is surprised by the change and says:
“Wow, you learned so quickly!”
The parrot nods and asks:
“By the way… what did the chicken do that made you leave it in there?”
The Parrot at Customs:
A man is traveling to another country, carrying his parrot in a cage. When he arrives at customs, the officer stops him.
“Sir, you can’t bring that parrot through without the necessary permits.”
The man, desperate, tries to convince him:
“Please let me through. This parrot is very special to me.”
The officer sighs and says:
“Okay… if the parrot can tell me something intelligent, I’ll let it through.”
The man, excited, looks at his parrot and says:
“Come on, say something intelligent.”
The parrot clears his throat and says:
“Officer, according to Article 25 of the International Convention on the Transport of Domestic Birds, there are no restrictions that impede my free transit.”
The officer gasps and says:
“Incredible! I’ve never seen such an intelligent parrot!”
The parrot smiles and replies:
“Well, if you had let me pass without any problems, you wouldn’t have had to see him.”
The father and the lazy son:
A young man, very lazy, spent all day lying on the couch, doing nothing. One day, his father, tired of seeing him like this, says:
“Son, when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he had already become a great student and read books by candlelight because he wanted to learn.”
The son, unfazed, replies:
“And when your father was your age?”
The father, proud, replies:
“He worked from the age of 15 and helped support his family!”
The son smiles and says:
“And when your grandfather was your age?”
“He was already a full-fledged man, had his own business and worked from dawn to dusk!”
The son sighs, settles down on the couch, and says:
“Wow… how lucky I was to have been born into this generation.”
The Priest and the Rude Parrot:
A priest decides to buy a parrot to teach it to speak politely and behave well. He goes to a pet store and finds a beautiful parrot, but the owner warns him:
“Father, this parrot has lived in a house with sailors and says a lot of rude things.”
The priest, confident, replies:
“No problem. With love and patience, I’ll reform it.”
He takes the parrot home, places it in its cage, and says:
“Hello, little friend. How are you?”
The parrot replies:
“Terrible, idiot! Where did you bring me?”
The priest, scandalized, says:
“You can’t talk like that! From now on, you’ll only say nice things.”
The parrot laughs and says:
“Ha! You don’t command me, cassock-face!”
The priest, losing patience, grabs the parrot and puts it in the freezer.
After a few minutes, he takes out the now trembling parrot and says:
“Father, I want to apologize for my behavior. I promise I’ll be a polite and respectful parrot.”
The priest, surprised by the change in attitude, smiles and says:
“I’m very glad to hear that, my son!”
The parrot nods and, after a moment, asks:
“Just out of curiosity… what did the chicken do?”
The Mechanic and the Surgeon:
A renowned surgeon takes his car to the garage because he’s having engine problems.
The mechanic, while fixing the car, says with a smile:
“Doctor, may I ask you a question?”
The surgeon nods, and the mechanic continues:
“Look, I open engines, change parts, clean systems… Basically, I do the same thing you do with the human body. So why do you make so much more money than me?”
The doctor thinks for a moment, smiles, and replies:
“Try doing it with the engine running.”