The father and his daughter’s boyfriend:
A young man goes to his girlfriend’s house to meet her future father-in-law. Nervous, he sits on the couch while the father stares at him with his arms crossed.
After a few awkward seconds, the father asks in a serious voice:
“So… what do you do, kid?”
The young man, trying to impress, replies:
“I’m a philosopher.”
The father raises an eyebrow and asks:
“What does that mean? How do you plan to support my daughter?”
The young man confidently replies:
“God will provide.”
The father frowns and continues asking:
“And where do you plan to live?”
The young man smiles and says:
“God will provide.”
The father, now irritated, asks once more:
“What if you have children? How are you going to raise them?”
The young man, without hesitation, replies:
“God will provide.”
After the conversation, the mother asks the father:
“So what did you think of our daughter’s boyfriend?”
The father sighs and says:
“Well… he doesn’t have a job, he doesn’t have money, but at least he thinks I’m God.”
The Genie and the Three Wishes:
A man was walking along the beach when he suddenly tripped over an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it, and… poof! A genie appeared.
“I’ll grant you three wishes!” said the genie.
The man, excited, replied:
“I want to be a millionaire.”
The genie snapped his fingers, and suddenly, the man had a bank account with millions of dollars in it.
“Now I want a luxury car.”
The genie snapped his fingers again, and a shiny Lamborghini appeared next to him.
—”And my third wish… I want to be irresistible to all women.”
The genie smiled, snapped his fingers, and… Puff!
The man turned into a jar of Nutella.
The Farmer and the Talking Donkey:
A city man passes by a farm and sees a farmer sitting on the porch with his dog and donkey.
The man approaches, and to his surprise, the donkey says,
“Good morning!”
The man, shocked, asks the farmer,
“Sir! Does your donkey talk?”
The farmer calmly replies,
“Of course he does. In fact, he’s worked very hard all his life. He plowed the fields, carried heavy loads, and has always been faithful.”
The donkey nods and says,
“That’s right! But he never thanks me or gives me an extra carrot.”
The man, astonished, looks at the dog and asks,
“And your dog talks too?”
The dog wags his tail and says,
“Yes! And besides, that donkey is a liar. He’s never worked a day in his life!”
The Man and the Rude Parrot:
A man walks into a pet store and sees a beautiful parrot, but with a sign that says, “For Sale Cheap.”
Intrigued, he asks the owner:
“Why is this parrot so cheap?”
The owner sighs and says:
“Look, sir… this parrot lived in a bar for many years, so it says a lot of rude things.”
The man doesn’t care and buys it anyway.
When he gets home, the parrot begins:
“Hey, you idiot! Where did you bring me? This house is a dump!”
The man, annoyed, says:
“If you keep talking like that, I’ll lock you in the refrigerator!”
The parrot laughs and continues insulting him.
The man, fed up, puts the parrot in the refrigerator for a few minutes. From inside, we hear:
“Hey! It’s cold! Please get me out of here!”
After a while, the man pulls him out. The parrot, trembling, says:
“Sir, I want to apologize for my behavior. I promise to behave and not use any more rudeness.”
The man is surprised by the change and says:
“Wow, you learned quickly!”
The parrot nods and asks:
“By the way… what did the chicken do that made you leave it in there?”
The Parrot and the Tax Inspector:
A man had a parrot that was always swearing. One day, he received a letter informing him that a tax inspector would be coming to review his accounts.
Concerned about his parrot’s rudeness, he decided to teach it to be more respectful.
“Look, parrot, a very important man is coming. You can’t insult him, just say: ‘Welcome, Mr. Inspector.'”
The parrot looked at him with a “Yeah, right…” expression.
The day of the inspection arrives. The inspector enters the house, and the man smiles nervously.
The parrot, very serious, looks at him and says:
“Welcome, Mr. Inspector.”
The owner sighs with relief, but just as the inspector is reviewing the papers, the parrot adds:
“He’ll check, he’ll check… but they’re still going to rob him!”
The Barber and the Clever Parrot:
A man walks into a barbershop and sits down to wait his turn. Meanwhile, he notices a parrot in a cage at the back of the shop.
The parrot stares at him and says:
“Hey, you! You’re ugly!”
The man is surprised and laughs nervously, but the parrot insists:
“Yes, yes, you’re ugly, and besides… you look like an idiot!”
The man, annoyed, complains to the barber:
“Hey, your parrot is insulting me!”
The barber apologizes, approaches the cage, and gently scolds the parrot.
“If you keep insulting the customers, I’ll punish you.”
The next day, the same man returns to the barbershop. He sits in the chair and looks at the parrot defiantly.
The parrot looks back at him, tilts its head, and says in a low voice:
“You already know…”
The Old Man and the Doctor:
A 90-year-old man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup.
The doctor asks:
“How are you feeling?”
The old man replies with a big smile:
“I’ve never felt better, doctor! I’m going to marry a 25-year-old woman, and we’re going to have a child.”
The doctor looks at him, raises an eyebrow, and says:
“Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of taking his rifle, he mistakenly took his umbrella. Suddenly, a huge bear appeared in front of him. The man, frightened, raised the umbrella, took aim… and the bear fell dead!”
The old man laughs and says:
“Impossible! Someone else must have shot.”
The doctor smiles and replies:
“Exactly.”
The Thief and the Grandmother:
One night, a thief quietly enters a house. While searching the drawers for money and jewelry, he hears a voice whispering in the darkness:
“Jesus is watching you…”
The thief freezes in fright. He looks around, but sees no one.
He continues searching the house and, again, hears the same voice:
“Jesus is watching you…”
The thief, trembling, turns on a flashlight and points it at the corner of the room… and there he sees a parrot in a cage.
He sighs in relief and says:
“I almost had a heart attack! What’s your name, parrot?”
The parrot replies:
“My name is Moses.”
The thief laughs and says:
“What kind of person names a parrot Moses?”
The parrot replies:
“The same one they named ‘Jesus’ on the dog behind you.”
🐶 Grrrrrr…