1- What does one fish say to another fish?
– Nothing!
2- Why don’t birds use Facebook?
– Because they already have Twitter.
3- What’s a bee doing in the gym?
– Buzzing.
4- Mom, at school they call me absent-minded.
– Johnny, you live across the street.
5- How do chemicals say goodbye?
– Acid, a pleasure!
6- What did an iguana say to its twin sister?
– Iguana!
7- Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
– Because they don’t have gills.
8- Mom, at school they call me “the little one.”
– And what do you tell them?
– I tell them to shut up, I’m not a little one!
9- What’s the worst thing for an electrician?
– Not finding your workflow.
10- Why don’t birds use WhatsApp?
– Because they already have birds.
11- What does one wall say to another wall?
– We’ll meet at the corner!
12- What is the name of the Japanese diving champion?
– Tokofondo.
13- Why are ghosts such bad liars?
– Because you can see through them.
14- What does one traffic light say to another traffic light?
– Don’t look, I’m changing!
15- What is the most dangerous cafe in the world?
– The ex-convict.
16- Why do seals always look up?
– Because that’s where the spotlights are!
17- What does one gardener say to another?
– Let’s enjoy it while we can!
18- What is the oldest animal?
– The zebra, because it’s black and white.
19- What does one broom say to another broom?
– It’s time to sweep!
20- How do you say “handkerchief” in Japanese?
– Saka-moko.
21- Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
– Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
22- What’s a cow doing in a movie theater?
– Milk and popcorn!
23- How do cats say goodbye?
– See you next meow!
24- What’s a person doing with an envelope on their head?
– Wrapped in a gift!
25- Why don’t birds use the subway?
– Because they already fly.
26- What does one onion say to another onion?
– You’re the reason I cry!
27- What’s the name of Bruce Lee’s vegan cousin?
– Bruce Lettuce!
28- What’s a person doing with a dog in a movie theater?
– Watching a “dog” movie!
29- What does one fish say to another fish?
– Oh, what a fish!
30- Why don’t skeletons tell jokes?
– Because they have no sense of humor.
31- How do you say “dirty hair” in Chinese?
– Chin cham pu.
32- What’s a turtle doing in space?
– Astronautics!
33- Why don’t elephants use computers?
– Because they’re afraid of mice.
34- What does a fish do in the movies?
– Nothing!
35- How do chemicals say goodbye?
– Acid, a pleasure!
36- What does one tree say to another tree?
– See you on the branch!
37- What does a bee do in the gym?
– Buzz!
38- How do you say “handkerchief” in Arabic?
– Handkerchief!
39- What does a boy say to a girl at school?
– You’re my “gift”!
40- What’s the height of a musician?
– Not finding your tone.
41- A man arrives at a pet store and sees a talking parrot. Intrigued, he asks the owner how much it costs. The owner replies, “Only $50, but it has one defect: it was raised in a brothel.” The man laughs, but decides to buy it. When he gets home, the parrot says, “Hello, boss!” The man laughs. Later, the man’s daughters come in, and the parrot says, “Hello, girls!” The man, surprised, thinks it’s not so bad. Finally, his wife arrives, and the parrot says, “Hello, ma’am! Long time no see!” The man’s jaw drops, and the parrot concludes, “I knew this was going to get interesting!”
42- One day, a man asks a magician, “What’s your favorite trick?” The magician replies, “Making an elephant disappear.” The man, incredulous, says, “No way! How do you do that?” The magician says, “First, I’ll bring him on stage. Then, I’ll tell him to stay still while I get a coffee. And when I come back, he’s gone!”
What did one traffic light say to another? “Don’t look, I’m changing!”
A Scotsman once went to a bar and ordered a whiskey. While he was enjoying it, he noticed a man in the corner staring at him. After a while, he approached him and said, “You know what? I’m feeling very generous today! If you can make me laugh, I’ll buy you a round!” The Scotsman smiles and says, “Okay, but first, tell me a joke.” The man replies, “My love.” The Scotsman laughs and says, “Okay, a round for both of us!”
43- A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I think I’m a dog.” The doctor replies, “Since when did you get that idea?” The man says, “Since I was a puppy.”
44- Why can’t bicycles stand up on their own? Because they’re both tired.
45- A woman walks into a clothing store and says, “I want a dress that makes me look like a movie star.” The saleswoman replies, “Would you like one that also makes you feel at home?” The woman says, “Sure! I need comfort for my next movie!”
46- A boy asks his father, “Why are you crying?” The father replies, “It’s just that your mother went shopping.” The boy says, “Oh, that’s nothing! My mom always comes back!”