The Man and the Lie Detector:
A man buys a lie detector robot and decides to test it on his family during dinner.
The son arrives late and the father asks:
“Son, where were you?”
“At the library, studying.”
The robot approaches and slaps him.
“All right! I was at a friend’s house watching a movie.”
The father crosses his arms and asks:
“What movie?”
“Snow White.”
The robot slaps him again.
“All right! It was an adult movie!”
The father, annoyed, says:
“When I was your age, I never watched that stuff!”
The robot turns around and slaps the father.
The mother laughs and says:
“Hahaha, you can tell he’s your son.”
The robot turns around and slaps her too.
The Genie and the Three Wishes:
A man was walking along the beach when he tripped over an old lamp. Intrigued, he picked it up and rubbed it. Suddenly, poof! A genie appeared, wreathed in smoke.
“Thank you for setting me free!” said the genie. “I’ll grant you three wishes, but there’s one condition: whatever you ask for, your worst enemy will receive double!”
The man thought for a moment. His worst enemy was his former boss, whom he hated with all his soul. But three wishes are three wishes!
“Very well,” said the man. “For my first wish, I want a mansion by the sea.”
Poof! A huge, luxurious mansion appeared in front of him. But at the same time, his boss received two mansions.
The man frowned, but continued.
“For my second wish, I want 10 million dollars.”
Puff! A briefcase full of bills appeared in his hands. But his boss received 20 million dollars.
Now the man was really upset. He thought for a long time about his last wish… and then, an evil smile appeared on his face.
“Genie,” he said, “For my last wish… I want you to scare me half to death!”
The Teacher and the Clever Student:
A math teacher wanted to test his students, so he told them:
“If you answer this question correctly, I’ll exempt you from the final exam. But if you fail, you’ll have to do extra work.”
The students nodded nervously.
The teacher pointed to a student and asked:
“If a train is traveling from Madrid to Barcelona at 100 km/h and another train is traveling from Barcelona to Madrid at 120 km/h, where will they meet?”
The student thought for a moment and answered confidently:
“On the train track.”
The teacher remained silent, sighed, and said:
“I can’t say it’s wrong…”
The Farmer and the Clever Donkey:
A city man is walking in the countryside and meets a farmer plowing the land with a donkey. But the most surprising thing is that the donkey is talking.
“Hurry up, boss, the sun is already strong!” says the donkey.
The city man can’t believe it and says to the farmer:
“Sir! Your donkey talks! This is incredible! You should put it on television!”
The farmer shrugs and replies:
“Nah… better not.”
“But why not? You could become a millionaire!”
The farmer sighs and says:
“Look, sir… The donkey is very clever, but if he becomes famous, he’ll later ask me for a salary, health insurance, and vacation time.”
The Intelligent Parrot:
A man walks into a pet store and sees a beautiful parrot in a cage. Curious, he asks the owner:
“How much does this parrot cost?”
The owner replies:
“This parrot is very special. It speaks three languages and costs $5,000.”
The man is surprised, but continues looking and sees another, even more beautiful parrot.
“And how much does this one cost?”
“This one costs $10,000 because it speaks six languages and knows how to use a computer.”
The man is amazed, but in the background he sees an old, ugly parrot with few feathers and a sour face.
“And how much does this ugly little parrot cost?”
The owner sighs and says:
“That one costs $50,000.”
The man can’t believe it.
—”$50,000?! But what does he do? Does he speak 20 languages? Does he solve equations? Does he know how to program?”
The owner shrugs and replies:
—”I have no idea… but the other two parrots call him ‘Chief.’”
The Lion Contest:
A circus is holding a contest: whoever can get a lion into a cage in less than a minute will win $100,000. Three contestants show up.
The first is a professional lion tamer. He enters the cage with a whip and a stool. He tries to get the lion into the cage, but the lion looks at him with a “Who are you?” look and doesn’t budge.
The second is a strongman. He tries to grab the lion by the mane and push it, but the lion shakes and sends him flying with a swipe of his paw.
Then the third contestant arrives: a small, skinny man with thick glasses. He approaches, opens the cage, and whispers something in the lion’s ear.
The lion, looking panicked, runs in and locks the door from the inside.
The audience is in shock. The host approaches and asks:
“Incredible! How did you do that?”
The man adjusts his glasses and says:
“I told him, ‘If you don’t go in the cage, I’ll explain my theory about inflation.’”
The Taxi Driver and the Monk:
A man dies and arrives in heaven. Upon arrival, Saint Peter welcomes him and says:
“Here in heaven, we reward people according to how they lived on Earth. Now tell me, what did you do?”
The man proudly replies:
“I was a monk for 50 years. I prayed every day, helped the poor, and taught the word of God.”
Saint Peter nods and gives him a cotton robe and a small hut.
The man is surprised, but before he can say anything, he sees a taxi driver wearing sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt enter.
Saint Peter checks his list and exclaims:
“Ah, a taxi driver! Welcome, here’s your golden robe and your mansion with a swimming pool.”
The monk can’t believe it and protests:
“Wait a minute! How is it possible that I, a monk dedicated to God, receive less than a taxi driver?”
Saint Peter smiles and replies:
“Look, my son… while you were giving sermons, people were sleeping. But when this taxi driver was driving… everyone was praying!”
The Liar Contest:
In a small town, a liar contest is held. Whoever tells the biggest lie wins a cash prize.
Several contestants introduce themselves.
The first one says:
“I once caught a fish so big I needed a crane to pull it out of the water.”
The jury scores and moves on to the next.
Another one says:
“I swam across the ocean in just two hours.”
The jury scores and moves on to the next.
Suddenly, an old man stands up and says in a calm voice:
“I’ve never told a lie in my life.”
The jury is silent for a few seconds… And then, immediately:
“ABSOLUTE WINNER!”